Third entry for the day. Today is definitely not my day. Been really down. Why? I have no idea. Been reading some peeps blog. Reading how wonderful their holiday is... I feel even more (don't how to describe). Almost break into tears a number of times today. I just have no idea what happen to me lately. My mood has been swinging from one extreme end to another. Yelled at my brothers a number of times today- even threatened to throw their cards away... Was extremely mad at them. And the next moment, I'm feeling upset... lost... confuse again. What the hell is going wrong with me? I really don't know. This time reading my favourite books just doesn't seem to work.
Been thinking of a lot of things. Recalling the days when I was younger. There's lots of things even my closest friend doesn't know. There's lots of thing I don't know as well. For instance, I've never been really close to my parents. My dad barely talks to me. (he's just like a stranger to me) My mum only nags at me. (typical) But no one knew that there was a period of time (about 5 years or so) when i barely see my parents more than a hour a day. Not many except for closer friends like fish knew that I've actually got 3 brothers. Speaking about that, I feel so... (don't know how to describe again). All this years... my parents have never mention about that brother of mine. Until that year. If I hadn't look into that drawer, if I hadn't notice that death certificate and the birth certificate... I won't have know anything. Till now... I still dare not mention about this in front of my parents. How I wish I knew nothing. (won't it be better?)
Despite all those, I'm also constantly having a cold war with my brothers (sibling rivarly). Living in this home is horrible. I wanna leave. Away from this home... this world. Far away from everyone else. Life just sucks.
To Jermyn: If you're reading this, promise me you wouldn't tell anyone about my "brother" thing. Don't ever mention it to anyone there.
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